Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Like many couples, when you have children you fall into a pattern. That pattern usually consists of your kids, because they now have become your life. Although your children may be your pride and joy and are a huge factor in making your life complete. The child-centered life can take a toll on relationships and can be even harder for the kids. Focusing on your marriage first can not only create a healthier marriage, but also produce happier children as well.
Researchers who study family behavior agree that a strong bond between parents is the heart of a happy family. As sex therapist Laura Berman, Ph.D., puts it in her couples' guide, The Book of Love, "No matter how sacrilegious it sounds...you need to put your relationship before your children. A strong relationship provides security for your children and demonstrates how a loving, respectful partnership should be. What could be more important?"
"Our studies show that how a couple's relationship is going has an impact on how the kids are doing," says Philip Cowan, Ph.D., an emeritus professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley. He's studied families for decades with his wife, psychologist Carolyn Pape Cowan, Ph.D. When parents are so focused on their children that they don't have the time or energy to relate as a couple, he notes, they're more likely to grow discontented. Kids can pick up on the unhappiness and feel insecure about family unity; that anxiety could lead to problems such as depression or aggression. And when adults pour their attention into their children instead of their spouses, the balance of power is skewed. "Kids end up thinking they're the center of the universe," says Code, "and might act selfishly and manipulatively."
First rule: Start small. With a routine already in place breaking away from it can be difficult. It’s about starting small and making the most out of your time together. It doesn’t have to be a dramatic change at once. Consider things like waking up fifteen minutes earlier to chat over coffee or go to bed at the same time.
Have kid-free conversations. When you are out together save the talk about the kids for later. Be all about the relationship.
Stay in touch during the day. With the many ways of communication today it is easy to stay in contact. Send sweet emails, or text throughout the day to express your love for them.
Try new things together. It allows quality alone time together, without the pressure of scintillating conversation about life or the kids.
Indulge in PDA- Affection keeps you connected and demonstrate to the kids an important part of your marriage. As a result you are modeling what a good relationship is like.
Make pleasure a priority- Dr. Hutcherson says "I tell patients to hold hands or
spoon when they fall asleep. The pleasure chemicals released from skin-to-skin contact bond you." Spontaneity is fun, but if you are realistic and plan for intimacy, at least you know you’ll have it. Intimacy is a fundamental part of having a happy and healthy relationship and should be incorporated into your routine as such.
Don’t be a martyr. Ask your partner to their share of house work means you will be less tired, less resentful, and more amped for intimacy.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
You see the perfect families on TV and dream to have a family like that one day. Where the children are God sent angels, the wife is Susie Homemaker, and the house is finely decorated. Upon realizing every family situation is different, you can learn to create your ideal family unit of your own. Below are some tips to help you doing so:
1. Be affectionate- Love and affection creates bonding, which promotes a healthier closer family unit. Love also allows one to feel a sense of belong and have higher self-esteem.
2. Deposit the qualities into your relationship that you wish to withdraw- This is essentially leading by example. If you want your husband and children to act out of love and kindness, you give them the love and kindness expected of them.
3. Communicate- Communication is key in any relationship. Talk often with your spouse so that you both can stay on the same page with the dealings of your family. Communicate with your children so they can learn what is expected of them and what their boundaries are.
4. Tend to your own life- An old saying is a happy wife, a happy life. Too often parents lose themselves in the shadow of their families. To take care of your family the best way you can, you have to first take care of yourself the best way you can. Take time for you and treat yourself.
5. Live in the moment- you can’t press rewind on their childhood, enjoy the now. If the house is a mess, take the time to play a cleaning up game instead of fussing about it.
6. Appreciate each other- it’s the little things that can make or break our level of coping. Small gestures go a long way. Take the time to appreciate the smaller things and watch how much more your mood elevates
7. Give yourself time to think- When you find yourself upset or furious in a situation. It is ok to ask everyone to go to their rooms or for you to even go to yours. Give yourself time to cool down, and evaluate the best way to handle the situation. That way you are handling things logically and not emotionally.
8. Create tradition- traditions gives children a sense of belonging and identity. Additionally, It gives them something to look forward to, as well as consistency.
What are some tips that you implement in your home that keeps your family happy? Comment below or post on our facebook page or tweet us at @newvisioncc