Is Couples Therapy Helpful?

Is Couples Therapy Helpful? I get this question a lot. Many of my clients feel their relationship is beyond repair. They wonder if therapy can help repair the damage. This question can be answered in two parts.

Yes

Couples therapy can be helpful if:

1. The couple is open to therapy
2. The couple  mutually wants to save their marriage
3. The couple is willing to change if need be

No

Couples therapy is not helpful if:

1. The couple is not open to therapy
2. The couple does not mutually want to save their marriage
3. The couple is unwilling to change if need be

To put things into perspective here are some statistics about the impact couples therapy can have.

•  98% of people surveyed said they received good or excellent couples therapy
•  97% of those surveyed said they got the help they needed
• 93% of those surveyed said they got the tools they needed after working with a couples therapist

On the other hand...

•  25% of people surveyed reported their marriage was worse 2 years after couples therapy
• 38% of people surveyed reported their marriage ended in divorce 4 years after couples therapy

Now let's put this in perspective.

Couples therapy is helpful whether the marriage last or ends in divorce. And here's why...

• Couples therapy helps identify the root causes of friction in the marriage
• Couples therapy gives a safe place to talk truthfully
• Couples therapy gives the necessary tools to make the marriage work
• Couples therapy shines a light on any incompatibility in the relationship

The last bullet point is extremely vital when asking the question, is couples therapy helpful.

People assume if they go to therapy and the marriage ends in divorce, then couples therapy was not helpful. But look at it this way. Couples therapy gives you the insight and the courage to know when to let go. Then you can begin to find the happiness that you have been lacking. Even if the marriage ends in divorce, if there are children from the union, couples and family therapy can help the children with the transition. This can help the divorce from becoming a bitter battle of hurt.

So...

Is Couples Therapy Helpful?

I would have to say yes. Couples therapy can open up the lines of communication that were once closed. They can help a couple remember why they fell in love in the fist place. It can also help couples heal from any wounds or misdeeds that has happened before or during the marriage. It can also help the couples amicably part ways if they decide.

If you are in need of couples therapy, contact New Vision Counseling Center to set up an appointment.

How To Cope With Holiday Stress

Your house is decorated superbly. You have incorporated tips from Pinterest and HGTV to make your house a Christmas masterpiece. Your family will be descending on your home any day now. You’ve purchased everything you need for your guests’ arrival.

The day for which you have been planning is finally here. The doorbell rings, you peek through your peephole to see the familiar faces of family. But right before you open the door, your breathing becomes shallow, you suddenly feel light headed, and your palms are sweaty. You didn’t realize, until this very moment, how stressed your holiday preparations have made you.

Do you find yourself under undue stress during the holidays? How have you managed to cope with your stress in the past? Were your coping techniques successful or do you find that once again you are feeling the pains of holiday stress?

Stress brought on by the holidays is common but it can be managed with a few simple techniques.

Techniques To Manage Holiday Stress

• Be Realistic

If you are the host for holiday events prepare for something to go wrong. Just
        because something isn’t “perfect” doesn’t mean it’s bad. Chances are your guest will not realize

      that something is amiss unless you bring it to their attention.

• Plan Ahead

           Schedule your time wisely so that you don’t overbook yourself. Plan your menus in

           advance so that you don’t overcook yourself. Set a budget so that you don’t overextend

           your finances. Having a plan in place will help to keep you grounded and from feeling

           like you are spinning out of control.

• Learn To Say No

           There is only just one you and you can’t be everything to everybody and everywhere all at

           once. It is perfectly okay to tell people no. There is nothing wrong with setting

           boundaries and sticking to them. In fact, sticking to your boundaries makes you feel

           empowered and balanced which keeps your stress levels to a minimum.

• Get Away

           Sometimes the hustle and bustle of the holiday can drain you emotionally and             physically.  Make sure to take some time away from the planning, partying, shopping, and

           the urge to feel like you must be happy at all times. Take a bubble bath, read a good book,

           take a walk, just do something that will take you away from the constant reverie of the

           holiday. This allows you to relax and regroup.

 

*Info in this blog is strictly my personal and/or professional opinion. Posts and comments are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace any medical advice you may have received. Please contact your doctor or therapist if you feel you need help, and in case of an emergency, dial 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.*

How To Guide: To Getting The Home Life You've Dreamed Of

You see the perfect families on TV and dream to have a family like that one day. Where the children are God sent angels, the wife is Susie Homemaker, and the house is finely decorated. Upon realizing every family situation is different, you can learn to create your ideal family unit of your own. Below are some tips to help you doing so:

1. Be affectionate- Love and affection creates bonding, which promotes a healthier closer family unit. Love also allows one to feel a sense of belong and have higher self-esteem.

2. Deposit the qualities into your relationship that you wish to withdraw- This is essentially leading by example. If you want your husband and children to act out of love and kindness, you give them the love and kindness expected of them.

3. Communicate- Communication is key in any relationship. Talk often with your spouse so that you both can stay on the same page with the dealings of your family. Communicate with your children so they can learn what is expected of them and what their boundaries are.

4. Tend to your own life- An old saying is a happy wife, a happy life. Too often parents lose themselves in the shadow of their families. To take care of your family the best way you can, you have to first take care of yourself the best way you can. Take time for you and treat yourself.

5. Live in the moment- you can’t press rewind on their childhood, enjoy the now. If the house is a mess, take the time to play a cleaning up game instead of fussing about it.

6. Appreciate each other- it’s the little things that can make or break our level of coping. Small gestures go a long way. Take the time to appreciate the smaller things and watch how much more your mood elevates

7. Give yourself time to think- When you find yourself upset or furious in a situation. It is ok to ask everyone to go to their rooms or for you to even go to yours. Give yourself time to cool down, and evaluate the best way to handle the situation. That way you are handling things logically and not emotionally.

8. Create tradition- traditions gives children a sense of belonging and identity. Additionally, It gives them something to look forward to, as well as consistency.

What are some tips that you implement in your home that keeps your family happy? Comment below or post on our facebook page or tweet us at @newvisioncc

The Power of Praise

“Wow, your hair looks amazing today!” “Honey, the dinner you cooked was fantastic!” or “Jim, that was an excellent report you gave at the meeting!” The power of praise can take your relationships to elevating new levels. Life is all about relationships, and to have any type of successful relationship one should utilize the art of praise.

There is power in praising people. It’s no secret that one can get more with honey than vinegar. Praise is all about focusing on the positive, and it is generally a win-win proposition.  It builds connections, helps people feel appreciated, and let’s people know you are paying attention.

Giving praise does not just benefit the person you gave the compliment too, it benefits you as well.  The impact that you can make on someone, simply from the way you interact with them is enormous. It could be as simple as saying something genuine to make someone smile, which causes them to be happy. Their happiness you brought upon could lead to them liking you more, or being more receptive to helping you. The investment of compliments usually reaps over a thousand fold. The more positive you put out, the more positive comes your way.  Anyone who understands the theory pay it forward, can attest to that.

Giving praise requires paying attention to detail and finding the good in situations. By doing so you are changing your frame of thought to positivity. Positivity determines if your glass is half full. My challenge to you is to find the positive in spouse, co-workers, and children. If you feel you can’t find something, then keep looking. Even if it is something small, make an effort to give praise.

*Info in this blog is strictly my personal and/or professional opinion. Posts and comments are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace any medical advice you may have received. Please contact your doctor or therapist if you feel you need help, and in case of an emergency, dial 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.*

The Secret You Didn't Know About Your Friends

Friendship Colours defines a friend as, the one who are always there with you, whether the times are bad or good. They never leave your side, even if the situation is worst. For them, it doesn't matter what day is it or what season. When we are sad, its our friends only who make us comfort, and laugh with us when we are sad. They give us good advice, and we can count on them to treat us nice. Friends solve our stupid problem and share good time so that joy can become double.

One of the most important yet least understood relationships are friendships. As one becomes an adult, the demanding activities of life often take away from the time once belonged to bonding to your closest buddies. However, friendships are crucial to the sustaining healthy living.

There are several benefits to friendships. Mayo Clinic describes some of the benefits as:

Friends help you celebrate good times and are your support system during the bad times

Friends increase your sense of belonging and purpose

Friends boost your happiness

Friends can help reduce stress

Friends improve your self worth

They help you cope with trauma

They encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy life styles

When it comes to friendships the quality of friends are much more important than the quantity. Some people prefer a large social network while others prefer a small group of close friends and acquaintances. There are four different types of friendships: Work friendships, community friends, acquaintances, and best friends. All serve a different role and are all equally important in your life.

The Gallup Organizations’s director, Tom Rath, undertook a massive study of friendship and found some surprising statistics: if your best friend eats healthily, you are five times more likely to have a healthy diet yourself. Married people say friendship is more than five times as important as physical intimacy within marriage. Those who say they have no real friends at work have only a one in 12 chance of feeling engaged in their job. Conversely, if you have a “best friend at work”, you are seven times more likely to feel engaged in your job.

Consider taking the time to sit down and take audit of the people in your life and their purpose. Reflect upon if you have healthy friendships and if you need to eliminate toxic ones. Determine if you need to expand yourself to create more relationships. True friendships require time and commitment, and sincerity.

British writer Mark Vernon writes that a close friend is a mirror of your own self, someone with whom you realize that, though autonomous, you are not alone. So although you may be busy with the daily operations of your life, career, and family, utilize time management to create and nurture the friends in your life. These bonds you cultivate can enhance and save your life. 

Are You Independent?

Happy 4th of July - 

How Independent Are You?

Tips to Become Independent

Written by: -Mark Goulston, M.D., F.A.P.A. 

Fourth of July is a great time of year to ask yourself, how independent are you? Are you Dependent, Pseudo-independent or Independent?

Dependent: You're needy. You lean on and on top of people. You try to get other people to take on your problems as their responsibility to fix. You've got the kiss of death with regard to personal and professional relationships. You need to stand up and grow up.

Pseudo-independent: You act un-needy, but you're really prideful, don't believe anyone else will do it right and don't want to be beholding to anyone. You can't really do life without other people. Your "empire" is no more than a glass menagerie, but as long as you don't see it that way, it doesn't seem to matter to you that everyone else does.

Independent: You are needful. You lean into people. You get input from others, but keep your problems as your responsibility. You are mature enough to realize that until you can be effectively interdependent, you can't be independent.

How to Become Independent

Bottom of Form

The measure of true independence is how self-reliant, resourceful and coachable you are.
I work with many successful CEO's, executives, senior managers to become even more successful. Something they have in common and in spades are self-reliance, resourcefulness and coachability.

Self-reliance means that their default mode is to be responsible and take on increasing responsibility to further their companies, their teamsand their missions. They don't pass the buck, make excuses or stay submerged in indecisiveness.

Resourcefulness means that they are clear about the resources they need to accomplish their goals and are not hesitant in accessing those resources. They are also reciprocators by nature, meaning they don't take others' effort for granted and give back to those who help them out.

Coachability means they seek, listen to and act upon solid, relevant input from others (even the greatest athletes have coaches their entire careers). In realizing the value of such coaching they have learned to also be great coaches to their people. They are NOT "know-it-alls," but are constantly seeking to know all of it so they can make the best decisions.

The more self-reliant, resourceful and coachable you and your children are, the better your and their lives. The less you and they are of each of those (and the more you are overly dependent or act like "know-it-alls"), the worse your and their lives and more miserable you and they will be.

Have a conversation with your kids about what being independent means to them. After they answer it, ask them what they think about about the notions of being self-reliant (translate it to being able to depend on yourself), resourceful (translate it to being able to come up with solutions and the best help for problems they may face) and coachable (translate it to being able to find the best people to give them the best advice to help them do whatever they want to do).

Steal The Spotlight Wherever You Are

Have you seen those movies where someone walks in the room, and the music suddenly stops, and all heads turn to stare with eyes of awe? What is it about that person that makes them so captivating and alluring? Why is that “IT” girl or “bad boy” desired by most? It all boils down to one thing, confidence. These type of people love and believe in themselves, and their abilities. Do you think if that same “IT” girl or “bad boy” walked around with their heads low and thought they were losers, and did not care about themselves, they would still have the same amount of admirers? Not likely. Luckily, confidence can be learned and built.

Sure, low confidence and self-esteem can be deteriorated through negative life’s events such as losing your job, physical ailments or illnesses, discrimination, or physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. Sometimes the causes of low confidence are deeply rooted and can go back to childhood experiences. If this is a problem for you, speak with one of our highly trained Licensed Professional Counselors at New Vision Counseling Center. Therapy can allow you to discover the root of what is causing you to have low confidence. As a result, your therapist can guide you into unveiling the confident person you are meant to be.

Here are ten instant ways to learn and build high self-esteem and confidence.

1. Think positively about yourself. Write down your great traits and accomplishments and review them routinely.
2. Dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself.
3. Pay attention to your personal hygiene. Take care of your hair, nails, and teeth.
4. Eat a healthy balanced diet. It starts from the inside out. What you put into your body exudes on the outside.
5. Exercise regularly, at least three times a week.
6. Get enough sleep.
7. Manage your stress, and eliminate unnecessary stress factors. Stress takes a toll on your body and your emotions.
8. Set a realistic goal and achieve it! This is an instant confidence booster.
9. Spend time with friends and loved ones. Attempt to grow your social circle.
10. Most importantly, avoid people, things, and places that put you down or make you feel bad about yourself.

These are simple actions that allow you to feel good. This consequently, rewires your brain to develop more self-confidence.   Your goal is to commit to these ten simple actions. You’ll be amazed at how you become more confident in yourself. Your self-perception has an enormous impact on how other perceive you. Now you will be the one turning head heads upon entering a room. 

*Info in this blog is strictly my personal and/or professional opinion. Posts and comments are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace any medical advice you may have received. Please contact your doctor or therapist if you feel you need help, and in case of an emergency, dial 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.*

Fake It Till You Make It

When you think of successful entrepreneurs, athletes, and politicians what is it about them that makes them so powerful and influential? What allows them the capability to stand out and be the best at what they do? Successful individuals as such all possess certain qualities and characteristics required to take on the responsibilities of their roles. Are these qualities and characteristics something that we are born with and already have? Or are they qualities and characteristics that we all can learn to possess? The common catchphrase “fake it till you make it” refers to acting a certain way until your desired outcome happens. It is believed that this method actually works.

Some say the way to become a fit person is to act like it. So how do you act like a fit person? You start eating healthy like a fit person, and working out like a fit person. Eventually you will become a fit person, because you are taking on the attitude, characteristics, and actions of that type of person. This reveals that the most effective way to move towards your desired change in life, is to act like you have already achieved it.

Begin acting like the person you want to become, and live the life you’ve imagined. The deciding factor in you achieving the life of your dreams, is neither what you have nor your situation, it is simply you. It can be as easy as a decision to change your state of mind or an attitude adjustment. You want to become a CEO of your company? Begin to act like the CEO. Come in to work early, leave late, work diligently, take on leadership roles, engage yourself with your co-workers, learn the business and company. It starts with you! The underlying key in all successful people boils down to one quality, trait, and characteristic, they believe in themselves.

You can start today with positive affirmations. Affirmations are statements that you hold to be true. When affirmations are done right they can change your entire life and way of thinking. Declare affirmations such as “I am the example of success” or “I am successful and prosperous in every area of my life.” Saying these affirmations, writing them, and meditating on them several times a day re-routes your conscious mind to believe them. Consequently, this creates the manifestation of them into your life.

Additionally, creating a Vision Board also progresses your steps leading to your dream life. A Vision Board is a board with images, phrases and affirmations reflecting your highest goals and dreams. Gaining popularity from the book, The Secret, Vision Boards are based off the Law of Attraction. The idea is that your thinking directly affects what the universe gives you. You think positive thoughts =you have positive outcomes. You think negative thoughts =you have negative outcomes.  The Vision Board serves to evoke positive thoughts, those thoughts evoke positive emotions, and thus those emotions stir up actions that lead to manifesting your dreams.

Today, stop wishing and start doing. Create a vision board, recite affirmations, and believe in yourself. Conduct yourself as if you are already living the life of your dreams. Fake it until you BECOME it!

*Info in this blog is strictly my personal and/or professional opinion. Posts and comments are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace any medical advice you may have received. Please contact your doctor or therapist if you feel you need help, and in case of an emergency, dial 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.*

Forgiveness

Forgive. What does this mean? I remember often hearing the phrase “forgive, but never forget” growing up. Now that I’m older, that sounds more like a contradiction. How can you forgive someone and continue to hold on to hurtful or negative thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, people feel like they must hold on to these feelings or memories in order to protect themselves. Anger, distrust, and or rigid boundaries became an unhealthy defense mechanism when we choose to hold on the negative feelings.

In order to forgive, we must CHOOSE to let go of painful thoughts/feelings/memories in order to move forward. Forgiveness is a process. In other words, it does not happen over night. But, you have the ability to choose by making a conscious effort and saying “I don’t want to hurt anymore” or “I do not want this person or that thing to hold me back anymore”. This conscious decision is the first step in moving forward and learning to forgive.

*Blog contributed by Shaketa Robinson-Bruce, LPC. Shaketa is a therapist at New Vision Counseling Center, LLC who works with children, adolescents and adults providing individual, family and couples therapy. Info in this blog is strictly the writer's personal and/or professional opinion. Posts and comments are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace any medical advice you may have received. Please contact your doctor or therapist if you feel you need help, and in case of an emergency, dial 911. To learn more about Mrs. Robinson-Bruce and the services she offers at NVCC, click here.*

What Does Your "To Do" List Look Like?

To Do
Annaul physical exam-check
Eye Exam-check
6 month dental cleaning-check
Hair appointment-check
Get vitamins-check
Excercise-check
Buy healthy food-check
Make therapy appt-?

Many of us will make sure we take care of our physical needs. But, when it comes to our mental health (not mental problems/issues), it is often put on the back burner. Many things can keep us from seeking counseling. Some people feel there is a stigma attached to seeking counseling, "People will think I'm crazy" or others will choose to pray about it or let it ride out. Still, some may say, "I just can't afford it". If thsi is you, or someone you know, here are my responses:

You are not "crazy". We all experience tougher times and talking to a trained professional is often helpful. Besides, why are we worrying about judgemental people?

Yep, I agree that you should pray, especially for a therapist who is in line with you and can understand and help you. We all have a purpose and were put on Earth to fufill that purpose.

When you sit and think about it, how much do you pay to get your hair done? At one point, I used to pay at least $85-90 every two weeks, in addition to driving 35 minutes to this particular stylist. How much will we pay to get our nails done ($30-$50, more if you like designs, gel nails and sea salt added!). What about a new outfit for a party? All of these things address our outer appearance or physical health. Yes, it is true, "when I look good, I feel good"!! But, if you have deeper underlying issues that haven't been addressed, it doesn't matter how good you look if you don't feel good too!

Let me ask you a question, if your doctor told you that you had Diabetes, high blood pressure or even needed to come in for follow up tests, what would you do? Would you not buy your life saving Diabetic or blood pressure medicine? Would you skip the follow up tests and hope that it is nothing serious? Better yet, would you make your children/spouse/friends/family worry about your condition. I am 99% sure that the answer to these questions is NO!

Yep, you're right, "money is funny" right now. And when it comes to feeding your children, buying your medication, or getting gas vs. a weekly therapy appointment, I agree. But, you may be surprised to see how many therapists are willing to work with you (after all, it's a helping profession). Does this mean your appointment is free? Well, is your copay free? Nope! But there are several locations offering lower cost services (as low as $20). For instance, I have no problem with offering a discount (not free) if a person is consistent and shows up to their appointments as scheduled. I work with financial situations and in some cases, have suggested that my clients come every other week rather than weekly so their budget isn't affected to much. I also offer a "buy 3, get one free" for those who want to pay in advance.

Now, everyone doesn't do this but, if your mental health is just as important to you as your physical health, why not check it out! We shop around for bargains everyday, so take some time to shop around so you will not only look good but to feel good too!! Soon, you will be able to mark "make therapy appt" off your ever growing "To Do" list.

To help you get started, here are a few links to check out and speed up your process. (Besides NVCC, this list does not suggest/imply that any of these places offer the same discounts/prices/etc as I do.) If you know of other counseling/therapy places, please feel free to leave them in the form of a comment.

New Vision Counseling Center (me!!)
Families First
Tiffanie Davis, LLC
Evan Katz (The Anger Guy)
United Way
Powers Ferry Psychological Associates
Georgia Professional Counseling Center

And as always, you can contact your insurance carrier.

*Info in this blog is strictly my personal and/or professional opinion. Posts and comments are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace any medical advice you may have received. Please contact your doctor or therapist if you feel you need help, and in case of an emergency, dial 911.*