Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Creating a Healthy Relationship: What's Your Love Language


With Cupid looming in the air, many people are excited about the approach of Valentines Day. The chocolates, singing cards, jewelry, romantic getaways and other hoopla, it's hard to not get into the mood. Then, there are those who loathe and despise the Holiday. I heard one radio host say, "is this a holiday to make men spend all their money...I think everyone should break up before Valentines!"

I don't condone such an extreme, but I do suggest that one decides on what they consider to be a healthy relationship. In my opinion, that includes constant communication, appreciation for one another and dedication to withstand the tough times. Having a relationship that shows gratitude on a daily basis, rather than just on February 14, just may be able to calm some of the disdain for the Holiday.
I also recommend that couples learn their Love Language to help them with simple and practical ways to communicate their love to their partner. Many times, we are operating based upon what we want and not necessarily what our partner may want. For example, I may like receiving cards so I give my partner a card, however, he may like spending quality time, so he skims the card and offers a half hearted, "thanks". What happens? I may feel angry or even hurt because my card isn't appreciated. I operated based off my language and not that of my partner. I heard a minister say to use the "platinum rule"-treat others how they want to be treated!

The 5 Love Languages-created by Gary Chapman- are: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. I recently even heard of a sixth one which is romantic gestures. I suggest you learn your love language. There are many websites that allow you to print and score your test with the hopes of creating lasting loving relationships. Even if you're not in a relationship, it won't hurt to learn how to express and receive love.

If you believe you may be operating from past hurts or from childhood messages about love, talking to a trained professional may be able to help you effectively love and truly feel loved in return. Remember to leave your comments and have a wonderful day of appreciation and gratitude!

*Info in this blog is strictly my personal and/or professional opinion. Posts and comments are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace any medical advice you may have received. Please contact your doctor or therapist if you feel you need help, and in case of an emergency, dial 911.*

4 comments:

Jolene Whitmore said...

My Fiancé and I are reading the 5 Love Languages. The book makes so much sense. Its message it simply to let go of the cliché thinking "treat people the way you want to be treated." This book actually tells you how to love your partner the way THEY want to be loved and not how you think they should be loved. It is an eye opener and it is difficult, especially if you are accustomed to living and loving a certain way, but they effort is definitely worth it if you genuinely love your partner. Love is no easy task, and God never said it would be. If you look at the domestic situation between Chris Brown and Rihanna, you know that love can be out whack even for the most successful people. But always remember this.

So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end

1 Corinthians 13 (The Message)

Thanks Kristy, I have been inspired.

Kristy Christopher, NCC, LPC said...

J'olene,
Thanks for your comment. You are right, speaking someone elses language can be hard, but it's not impossible. Once we learn theirs, it is no longer foriegn to us! Knowing your own language makes you able to understand others, whether it's your partner, child or someone else.
Thank you for posting 1 Corithians 13. It is one of my favorite scriptures. I love the fact of knowing that I am "bankrupt" without love. Love of God, love of self and love of others...nothing more, nothing less!
Be Blessed!

Joanna M. said...

Kristy, I really enjoy your entries.
Thanks,
Joanna

Kristy Christopher, NCC, LPC said...

Hi Joanna,
Thanks for reading. I'm glad that you have been able to take some time and read them.
Kristy