Meditation: The Ultimate Mental Detox

Meditation is the practice of turning your attention to a single point of reference. It involves focusing on breathing or on a word known as a mantra. Meditation is deceptively easy. It’s simply, training yourself to turn your attention away from distracting thoughts and focus on the moment.

There are several benefits to meditating. Studies link meditation to reducing stress, blood pressure, heart attacks, and strokes to increasing one’s cognition and creativity. Additionally, meditation decreases our need for sleep by heightening our concentration, allowing us to be more productive. Many believe they have to spend several hours a day sitting in the lotus flower positive to receive meditation benefits. You can achieve meditation benefits in as little as 10 minutes. Here’s how:

Picture: The Joy of Living Centre

The key to mediation is to be mindfully aware of your breathing. Ronald Alexander, Ph.d recommends to do this you must breathe in through your nose for a count of three, hold for three, and then out through your mouth for three.  The first step is to identify the negative emotion you are feeling so as you focus on your breathing ask yourself, “What am I experiencing?”  Once you can answer this question with, “I am feeling anger, impatience, irritability, frustration or even fear” after your next in breath when you hold for three replace that unwholesome statement with a positive one.  For example if you are standing in a long line that is moving very slowly and feeling frustrated, focus on your breathing and replace the frustration with, “I am feeling compassion.” Keep repeating the breathing, hold and statement until you can feel all the negative emotions release from your body and mind.

Even in total silence you find that you are completely distracted. Your mind is running faster than Olympic track meet. Don’t give up or get mad at yourself. Meditation can take practice, determination, and dedication. When you find yourself drifting off into your thoughts going 90 miles per hour, simply return back to your breathing. As a result, you can meditate anywhere, anytime. Just focus on your breathing, prayer word, or mantra.

*Info in this blog is strictly my personal and/or professional opinion. Posts and comments are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace any medical advice you may have received. Please contact your doctor or therapist if you feel you need help, and in case of an emergency, dial 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.*

Finding Forgiveness After Infedility

You found out your partner cheated. You still love them, care for them, want to support them, and most importantly you want to forgive them. But you do not know how. They have apologized over and over, and promised it would never happen again, and that the other person meant nothing to them. You interrogate them on each and every detail of the event. You continuously question them and yourself on why they did it and what the other person had over you. Your mind wanders what they are doing when they are not around. You constantly replay the infidelity in your mind.  This takes a toll on you emotionally and physically. Consequently, you become distanced and less attracted to your partner. If you can identify with these feelings, you are struggling with forgiveness.

Infidelity can destroy one of the greatest foundations of a relationship, trust. Without trust a relationship is robbed of all its fundamentals and become an unhealthy struggle. When you want to forgive infidelity, you have to want to without any doubt.  As the saying says, “when in doubt, don’t.” Deciding to forgive infidelity means you are setting aside whatever your partner has done wrong; you decide to start over by offering trust in an attempt to save your relationship. This can be very difficult to do, but with hard work it is very possible.

Forgiveness is defined as “to excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon; to renounce anger or resentment against.” Forgiveness most importantly is a gift to yourself. It does not mean you have to forget and it is not condoning the behavior. It is simply relieving yourself of the burden of the past.

1. The first step is trying to forgive. It is a process to forgive and is something you must do more than once. It is like a journey a baby makes from walking to crawling. A baby falls hundreds of times before walking. Yet, every effort and attempt is rewarded and extremely significant.

2.  Accept what was done. You cannot change it, it was in the past. What’s done is done.

3. Identify your emotions. How are you feeling? Angry, disappointed, betrayed? Talk to someone about them so you can begin processing them.

4. The next and most important step is communication. Decide if your relationship is worth saving. If it is:

• Set out an agenda to work on one issue at a time
• Address your emotions
• Communicate your needs: i.e what you need from your partner to build back trust, consider setting rules

Infidelity creates damage and wounds, and like any wound it takes time to heal. Remember, forgiveness is not for the other person. It is for your happiness, peace of mind, and health. When you stress, the body release powerful chemicals that are essential to your survival in highly stressful situations. Oftentimes the result of stress is depression.

If you and your partner are experiencing infidelity, trust issues, forgiveness, or anything of the latter please call us at New Vision Counseling Center. We have highly experienced couples counselors. We are here to help you work through your relationship problems.

*Info in this blog is strictly my personal and/or professional opinion. Posts and comments are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace any medical advice you may have received. Please contact your doctor or therapist if you feel you need help, and in case of an emergency, dial 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.*

Steal The Spotlight Wherever You Are

Have you seen those movies where someone walks in the room, and the music suddenly stops, and all heads turn to stare with eyes of awe? What is it about that person that makes them so captivating and alluring? Why is that “IT” girl or “bad boy” desired by most? It all boils down to one thing, confidence. These type of people love and believe in themselves, and their abilities. Do you think if that same “IT” girl or “bad boy” walked around with their heads low and thought they were losers, and did not care about themselves, they would still have the same amount of admirers? Not likely. Luckily, confidence can be learned and built.

Sure, low confidence and self-esteem can be deteriorated through negative life’s events such as losing your job, physical ailments or illnesses, discrimination, or physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. Sometimes the causes of low confidence are deeply rooted and can go back to childhood experiences. If this is a problem for you, speak with one of our highly trained Licensed Professional Counselors at New Vision Counseling Center. Therapy can allow you to discover the root of what is causing you to have low confidence. As a result, your therapist can guide you into unveiling the confident person you are meant to be.

Here are ten instant ways to learn and build high self-esteem and confidence.

1. Think positively about yourself. Write down your great traits and accomplishments and review them routinely.
2. Dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself.
3. Pay attention to your personal hygiene. Take care of your hair, nails, and teeth.
4. Eat a healthy balanced diet. It starts from the inside out. What you put into your body exudes on the outside.
5. Exercise regularly, at least three times a week.
6. Get enough sleep.
7. Manage your stress, and eliminate unnecessary stress factors. Stress takes a toll on your body and your emotions.
8. Set a realistic goal and achieve it! This is an instant confidence booster.
9. Spend time with friends and loved ones. Attempt to grow your social circle.
10. Most importantly, avoid people, things, and places that put you down or make you feel bad about yourself.

These are simple actions that allow you to feel good. This consequently, rewires your brain to develop more self-confidence.   Your goal is to commit to these ten simple actions. You’ll be amazed at how you become more confident in yourself. Your self-perception has an enormous impact on how other perceive you. Now you will be the one turning head heads upon entering a room. 

*Info in this blog is strictly my personal and/or professional opinion. Posts and comments are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace any medical advice you may have received. Please contact your doctor or therapist if you feel you need help, and in case of an emergency, dial 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.*

Fake It Till You Make It

When you think of successful entrepreneurs, athletes, and politicians what is it about them that makes them so powerful and influential? What allows them the capability to stand out and be the best at what they do? Successful individuals as such all possess certain qualities and characteristics required to take on the responsibilities of their roles. Are these qualities and characteristics something that we are born with and already have? Or are they qualities and characteristics that we all can learn to possess? The common catchphrase “fake it till you make it” refers to acting a certain way until your desired outcome happens. It is believed that this method actually works.

Some say the way to become a fit person is to act like it. So how do you act like a fit person? You start eating healthy like a fit person, and working out like a fit person. Eventually you will become a fit person, because you are taking on the attitude, characteristics, and actions of that type of person. This reveals that the most effective way to move towards your desired change in life, is to act like you have already achieved it.

Begin acting like the person you want to become, and live the life you’ve imagined. The deciding factor in you achieving the life of your dreams, is neither what you have nor your situation, it is simply you. It can be as easy as a decision to change your state of mind or an attitude adjustment. You want to become a CEO of your company? Begin to act like the CEO. Come in to work early, leave late, work diligently, take on leadership roles, engage yourself with your co-workers, learn the business and company. It starts with you! The underlying key in all successful people boils down to one quality, trait, and characteristic, they believe in themselves.

You can start today with positive affirmations. Affirmations are statements that you hold to be true. When affirmations are done right they can change your entire life and way of thinking. Declare affirmations such as “I am the example of success” or “I am successful and prosperous in every area of my life.” Saying these affirmations, writing them, and meditating on them several times a day re-routes your conscious mind to believe them. Consequently, this creates the manifestation of them into your life.

Additionally, creating a Vision Board also progresses your steps leading to your dream life. A Vision Board is a board with images, phrases and affirmations reflecting your highest goals and dreams. Gaining popularity from the book, The Secret, Vision Boards are based off the Law of Attraction. The idea is that your thinking directly affects what the universe gives you. You think positive thoughts =you have positive outcomes. You think negative thoughts =you have negative outcomes.  The Vision Board serves to evoke positive thoughts, those thoughts evoke positive emotions, and thus those emotions stir up actions that lead to manifesting your dreams.

Today, stop wishing and start doing. Create a vision board, recite affirmations, and believe in yourself. Conduct yourself as if you are already living the life of your dreams. Fake it until you BECOME it!

*Info in this blog is strictly my personal and/or professional opinion. Posts and comments are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace any medical advice you may have received. Please contact your doctor or therapist if you feel you need help, and in case of an emergency, dial 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.*

Living or Existing. What are YOU doing?

In the daily hustle and bustle and the stressors of life it is sometimes quite easy to just "go along to get along" or to just "go with the motions". There are certain situations where I do approve the mindset of "fake it til you make it" but there are many times in life when we must be actually present; in the here and now.

A chair simply exists. It is what it is...a chair.  We are not chairs, tables or other inanimate objects. By simply existing we can miss out on the joys and happiness of life. We were created and meant to LIVE. To have a purpose, meaning, breath and life. To not only celebrate the BIG things but to also revel in the small ones.

Existing will cause us to focus on inconsequential things or things that don't or won't matter in the long run; whereas living will allow us to see the big picture, enjoy every moment and embrace the journey we're currently on.

Take some time today to assess and even reassess your life. Focus on what's been happening to you and your responses. I'm not saying to minimize things that are devastating to you or that have been painful. I'm asking you to evaluate whether or not despite those things, if you've chosen to exist or live. I'll admit, it's taken me a while to get here and some days I'd prefer to just "be". But, those are the times when I must purposefully and intentionally LIVE.

I was at a high school football honors banquet last year and the speaker, Mark Tidwell talked about living intentionally. He challenged us all to live as though we're terminal because we know the next day isn't promised. Thinking on that, it's important to make everyday count and to move from existing and just going along, to having the courage to live!

If you're ready to start living but find it difficult, counseling or talking to a trained professional may be helpful.

*Info in this blog is strictly my personal and/or professional opinion. Posts and comments are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace any medical advice you may have received. Please contact your doctor or therapist if you feel you need help, and in case of an emergency, dial 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.*

Dear Stress, Let's break up!

For me, this week has been stressful, mainly good stress that will allow me to celebrate things personally and professionally, but stressful nonetheless.  We all have moments in life that cause us to experience stress on some level. Stress, in normal, healthy doses can be a good thing. However, if you find yourself stressed to an abnormal level or an inability to cope, it may be helpful to try some stress management techniques. I've listed a few that are helpful to me.

Wash your cares away-Try taking a shower or bath. There is something refreshing and cleansing about water. The ability to control the water temperature, amount of time in the shower/bath and if you have one of those fancy shower heads, you can even control the intensity of the water (after all, a lot of stress is due to things we cannot control). Imagine your stressors going down the drain with the water. Allow yourself to exit the shower/bath refreshed, renewed and clean and free from stress.

Laughter is good for the soul-We've all heard this. Laughter not only lightens your mental load, it also causes physical changes within the body. In short, laughter increases our feel good hormones (endorphins) and can also help with muscle relaxation. So, watch a funny TV show, read a joke or recall a funny moment. Daily I find a "line of the day". That is something that was said either by me or someone else that tickled me and gets me through the day, sometimes longer.

Get you motor running-Yes, get up and do something! Dance, cook, exercise, sing, or shop. Just get up. Exercise does the same thing as laughing, it releases those endorphins.

Woosah-If getting up and getting out is too much, that's OK. Conversely, if you need to take a break and breather, do so! Take a nap, relax quietly in a dark room or meditate on peaceful and relaxing things.

Just use your imagination-Barney said it best, right? (I used to teach preschool so I know QUITE a few Barney songs)!
"Close your eyes and you will find
There are pictures in your mind
Things that you can see and feel
All those things are very real
You can be most anywhere,
When your imagination takes you there"

 

Barney taught many how to use their imagination and create! In stressful instances, try some guided imagery or relaxation/deep breathing exercises. Imagine yourself in a calm, peaceful place. It may be a beach, a spa or your bedroom. Just somewhere that is calm, safe and relaxing to you. Monitor your breathing and allow yourself to feel calm. I'll admit, this one was very hard for me in the beginning because like most of you, I'm thinking about 1 million things at once. But, with practice, you can learn to quiet your mind and decrease your stress level.

In Don't Sweat The Small Stuff, psychotherapist, Richard Carlson says, "ask yourself this question: will this matter a year from now?" If your answer is no, start to let go of unnecessary stressors. If your answer is yes, work to learn to manage it in a healthy and adaptive manner.

If you struggle with daily stress management, counseling or talking to a trained professional may be helpful.

*Info in this blog is strictly my personal and/or professional opinion. Posts and comments are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace any medical advice you may have received. Please contact your doctor or therapist if you feel you need help, and in case of an emergency, dial 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.*

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

 

 

This video shows a little girl (now a teenager) named Jessica doing her daily affirmation. She is saying everything she likes and you can even hear her say, "I can do anything!". Isn't it great to have a child-like attitude; free from fear and reservation.  Jessica is doing something here that is very powerful. She is speaking to herself with confidence, fun, understanding and truth. She even jumps down and bounces away, presumably ready to tackle her day!

 

The Disney Fairy Tale, Snow White has a similar theme (well, it has several themes but we'll focus on this one). The queen possesses a magical mirror which she asks every morning: "Magic mirror in my hand, who is the fairest in that land?". (Or you may know the version, "mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all.) The mirror always replies: "My Queen, you are the fairest in that land." This pleases the Queen as the mirror doesn't lie to her.

 

When we look in the mirror, we shouldn't lie either! What's your self talk like? Do you believe in yourself? I look in the mirror often. Not from a place of vanity, but to admire things I like about myself. Some days, I may not always feel that way but I like to remind myself that I am beautiful, smart, loved, appreciated, giving, etc. With so much negativity in the world, it's refreshing to be able to hear, see and speak words of affirmation.

 

So, try it. Take a look in the mirror and be like Jessica. "I like myself, I like my hair and my haircut, I like my pajamas." What are your messages? Mirror, mirror on the wall....

 

*Info in this blog is strictly my personal and/or professional opinion. Posts and comments are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace any medical advice you may have received. Please contact your doctor or therapist if you feel you need help, and in case of an emergency, dial 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.*