Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Creating a Healthy Relationship: What's Your Love Language

With Cupid looming in the air, many people are excited about the approach of Valentines Day. The chocolates, singing cards, jewelry, romantic getaways and other hoopla, it's hard to not get into the mood. Then, there are those who loathe and despise the Holiday. I heard one radio host say, "is this a holiday to make men spend all their money...I think everyone should break up before Valentines!"

I don't condone such an extreme, but I do suggest that one decides on what they consider to be a healthy relationship. In my opinion, that includes constant communication, appreciation for one another and dedication to withstand the tough times. Having a relationship that shows gratitude on a daily basis, rather than just on February 14, just may be able to calm some of the disdain for the Holiday.
I also recommend that couples learn their Love Language to help them with simple and practical ways to communicate their love to their partner. Many times, we are operating based upon what we want and not necessarily what our partner may want. For example, I may like receiving cards so I give my partner a card, however, he may like spending quality time, so he skims the card and offers a half hearted, "thanks". What happens? I may feel angry or even hurt because my card isn't appreciated. I operated based off my language and not that of my partner. I heard a minister say to use the "platinum rule"-treat others how they want to be treated!

The 5 Love Languages-created by Gary Chapman- are: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. I recently even heard of a sixth one which is romantic gestures. I suggest you learn your love language. There are many websites that allow you to print and score your test with the hopes of creating lasting loving relationships. Even if you're not in a relationship, it won't hurt to learn how to express and receive love.

If you believe you may be operating from past hurts or from childhood messages about love, talking to a trained professional may be able to help you effectively love and truly feel loved in return. Remember to leave your comments and have a wonderful day of appreciation and gratitude!

*Info in this blog is strictly my personal and/or professional opinion. Posts and comments are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace any medical advice you may have received. Please contact your doctor or therapist if you feel you need help, and in case of an emergency, dial 911.*