Coping With The Loss Of A Loved One During The Holidays

 

Losing a loved one, no matter the circumstances is never easy, losing a loved one around the holidays can be especially difficult because the holidays are a time dedicated to being with loved ones.

Recently famous television celebrity Kristin Cavallari lost her 30 year old brother, tragically, suddenly and without warning.  She went public with her lost by posting baby photos of her and her brother side by side and writing,  "My heart is in a million pieces. Mikey, I could always count on you to make me laugh. You had such a good heart and will be forever missed. I'm at a loss for words but I know u are in a better place and finally at peace. I love u so much RIP."

Although this seems like this should be a private moment for her, sometimes the best way to deal with the lost of a loved one is to share your feelings with others.

If you are struggling with your grief for the lost of a loved one during this holiday season, here are a few things you can do to make your grief more bearable.

 

Steps To Cope With The Loss Of A Loved One During The Holidays

Share your feelings publicly:

Take a page from Kristin Cavallari’s book and share your feelings of grief with others. These other people could be your family members, your friends, or even a chat room dedicated to the topic. The point is to not internalize your grief and try to deal with it on your own. Grief is a natural part of acceptance and healing and by sharing it with others helps you to release your pain.

Take The Time To Grieve:

It is not necessary to force yourself to be cheerful during the holiday season if you are not feeling up to it. Allow yourself time to cry and to have quiet time. Don’t feel the need to act as if your grief is not relevant or allowed just because it is the holidays. However, don’t get so lost in your grief that you forget to live and to smile every once in a while. Don’t feel guilty for finding some pleasure during your grief.

Do For Others:

While you are grieving get into the holiday spirit of giving and doing for others. It has been scientifically proven that when we give and help others it also helps our mood and attitude. Therefore use this time to volunteer your time to a nursing home, a food bank, or a children’s hospital. This will not only help you to momentarily forget your grief but it will help someone else to also momentarily forget their pain and trouble.

 

 

Dealing With In-Laws During The Holidays

Does the thought of spending time with your in-laws during the holidays make you anxious or over the top stressed out? Not all in-laws are "outlaws" but for some people, it may seem like it.

Just relax, this time doesn’t have to be stressful and it can actually be quite pleasant if you follow these simple steps.

Steps To Survive Your In-Laws During The Holidays

• Adjust Your Attitude

Instead of thinking about how horrid the time spent with your in-laws will be, focus instead on the positive. Remember that the holidays are a time to spend with family and loved ones. Think about how happy spending time with your in-laws makes your spouse. If you just zone in on this one principle, making your spouse happy, you will find that dealing with your in-laws is a lot more tolerable.

• Communicate Your Concerns With Your Spouse

If you know that every time your in-laws are around it makes your skin crawl, then discuss this openly with your spouse. Share your concerns so that the two of you can work through them together. Illicit help from your spouse in dealing with your in-laws.  Your spouse can act as a mediator or your defender, depending on the situation. But your spouse won’t be able to do either if unaware of your feelings and concerns.   

• Be Assertive

If at any point you feel like your in-laws are being disrespectful or rude it is perfectly acceptable to be assertive in your response without being combative. You can simply state to your in-laws that you will not accept any mistreatment from them. If they continue with their disrespectful behavior, try to put some distance between you, by not being in the same room with them. Instead be with other family members in different areas of the house or stay by your spouse’s side so that your spouse can witness the bad behavior first hand and deal with it.  


The key to surviving the holidays with your in-laws is to remember that the time spent with them will be short. They are an extension of your spouse and so to make your spouse happy you can endure them during the holidays. Once they are gone life will resume as normal. There is no need to let them stress you out or ruin your holiday good cheer.

How To Cope With Holiday Stress

Your house is decorated superbly. You have incorporated tips from Pinterest and HGTV to make your house a Christmas masterpiece. Your family will be descending on your home any day now. You’ve purchased everything you need for your guests’ arrival.

The day for which you have been planning is finally here. The doorbell rings, you peek through your peephole to see the familiar faces of family. But right before you open the door, your breathing becomes shallow, you suddenly feel light headed, and your palms are sweaty. You didn’t realize, until this very moment, how stressed your holiday preparations have made you.

Do you find yourself under undue stress during the holidays? How have you managed to cope with your stress in the past? Were your coping techniques successful or do you find that once again you are feeling the pains of holiday stress?

Stress brought on by the holidays is common but it can be managed with a few simple techniques.

Techniques To Manage Holiday Stress

• Be Realistic

If you are the host for holiday events prepare for something to go wrong. Just
        because something isn’t “perfect” doesn’t mean it’s bad. Chances are your guest will not realize

      that something is amiss unless you bring it to their attention.

• Plan Ahead

           Schedule your time wisely so that you don’t overbook yourself. Plan your menus in

           advance so that you don’t overcook yourself. Set a budget so that you don’t overextend

           your finances. Having a plan in place will help to keep you grounded and from feeling

           like you are spinning out of control.

• Learn To Say No

           There is only just one you and you can’t be everything to everybody and everywhere all at

           once. It is perfectly okay to tell people no. There is nothing wrong with setting

           boundaries and sticking to them. In fact, sticking to your boundaries makes you feel

           empowered and balanced which keeps your stress levels to a minimum.

• Get Away

           Sometimes the hustle and bustle of the holiday can drain you emotionally and             physically.  Make sure to take some time away from the planning, partying, shopping, and

           the urge to feel like you must be happy at all times. Take a bubble bath, read a good book,

           take a walk, just do something that will take you away from the constant reverie of the

           holiday. This allows you to relax and regroup.

 

*Info in this blog is strictly my personal and/or professional opinion. Posts and comments are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace any medical advice you may have received. Please contact your doctor or therapist if you feel you need help, and in case of an emergency, dial 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.*

Benefits of Putting Your Marriage First

Like many couples, when you have children you fall into a pattern. That pattern usually consists of your kids, because they now have become your life. Although your children may be your pride and joy and are a huge factor in making your life complete. The child-centered life can take a toll on relationships and can be even harder for the kids. Focusing on your marriage first can not only create a healthier marriage, but also produce happier children as well.

Researchers who study family behavior agree that a strong bond between parents is the heart of a happy family. As sex therapist Laura Berman, Ph.D., puts it in her couples' guide, The Book of Love, "No matter how sacrilegious it sounds...you need to put your relationship before your children. A strong relationship provides security for your children and demonstrates how a loving, respectful partnership should be. What could be more important?"

"Our studies show that how a couple's relationship is going has an impact on how the kids are doing," says Philip Cowan, Ph.D., an emeritus professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley. He's studied families for decades with his wife, psychologist Carolyn Pape Cowan, Ph.D. When parents are so focused on their children that they don't have the time or energy to relate as a couple, he notes, they're more likely to grow discontented. Kids can pick up on the unhappiness and feel insecure about family unity; that anxiety could lead to problems such as depression or aggression. And when adults pour their attention into their children instead of their spouses, the balance of power is skewed. "Kids end up thinking they're the center of the universe," says Code, "and might act selfishly and manipulatively."

First rule: Start small. With a routine already in place breaking away from it can be difficult. It’s about starting small and making the most out of your time together. It doesn’t have to be a dramatic change at once. Consider things like waking up fifteen minutes earlier to chat over coffee or go to bed at the same time.

Have kid-free conversations. When you are out together save the talk about the kids for later. Be all about the relationship.

Stay in touch during the day. With the many ways of communication today it is easy to stay in contact. Send sweet emails, or text throughout the day to express your love for them.

Try new things together. It allows quality alone time together, without the pressure of scintillating conversation about life or the kids.

Indulge in PDA- Affection keeps you connected and demonstrate to the kids an important part of your marriage. As a result you are modeling what a good relationship is like.

Make pleasure a priority-  Dr. Hutcherson says "I tell patients to hold hands or

 spoon when they fall asleep. The pleasure chemicals released from skin-to-skin contact bond you." Spontaneity is fun, but if you are realistic and plan for intimacy, at least you know you’ll have it. Intimacy is a fundamental part of having a happy and healthy relationship and should be incorporated into your routine as such.

Don’t be a martyr. Ask your partner to their share of house work means you will be less tired, less resentful, and more amped for intimacy. 

How To Guide: To Getting The Home Life You've Dreamed Of

You see the perfect families on TV and dream to have a family like that one day. Where the children are God sent angels, the wife is Susie Homemaker, and the house is finely decorated. Upon realizing every family situation is different, you can learn to create your ideal family unit of your own. Below are some tips to help you doing so:

1. Be affectionate- Love and affection creates bonding, which promotes a healthier closer family unit. Love also allows one to feel a sense of belong and have higher self-esteem.

2. Deposit the qualities into your relationship that you wish to withdraw- This is essentially leading by example. If you want your husband and children to act out of love and kindness, you give them the love and kindness expected of them.

3. Communicate- Communication is key in any relationship. Talk often with your spouse so that you both can stay on the same page with the dealings of your family. Communicate with your children so they can learn what is expected of them and what their boundaries are.

4. Tend to your own life- An old saying is a happy wife, a happy life. Too often parents lose themselves in the shadow of their families. To take care of your family the best way you can, you have to first take care of yourself the best way you can. Take time for you and treat yourself.

5. Live in the moment- you can’t press rewind on their childhood, enjoy the now. If the house is a mess, take the time to play a cleaning up game instead of fussing about it.

6. Appreciate each other- it’s the little things that can make or break our level of coping. Small gestures go a long way. Take the time to appreciate the smaller things and watch how much more your mood elevates

7. Give yourself time to think- When you find yourself upset or furious in a situation. It is ok to ask everyone to go to their rooms or for you to even go to yours. Give yourself time to cool down, and evaluate the best way to handle the situation. That way you are handling things logically and not emotionally.

8. Create tradition- traditions gives children a sense of belonging and identity. Additionally, It gives them something to look forward to, as well as consistency.

What are some tips that you implement in your home that keeps your family happy? Comment below or post on our facebook page or tweet us at @newvisioncc

The Power of Praise

“Wow, your hair looks amazing today!” “Honey, the dinner you cooked was fantastic!” or “Jim, that was an excellent report you gave at the meeting!” The power of praise can take your relationships to elevating new levels. Life is all about relationships, and to have any type of successful relationship one should utilize the art of praise.

There is power in praising people. It’s no secret that one can get more with honey than vinegar. Praise is all about focusing on the positive, and it is generally a win-win proposition.  It builds connections, helps people feel appreciated, and let’s people know you are paying attention.

Giving praise does not just benefit the person you gave the compliment too, it benefits you as well.  The impact that you can make on someone, simply from the way you interact with them is enormous. It could be as simple as saying something genuine to make someone smile, which causes them to be happy. Their happiness you brought upon could lead to them liking you more, or being more receptive to helping you. The investment of compliments usually reaps over a thousand fold. The more positive you put out, the more positive comes your way.  Anyone who understands the theory pay it forward, can attest to that.

Giving praise requires paying attention to detail and finding the good in situations. By doing so you are changing your frame of thought to positivity. Positivity determines if your glass is half full. My challenge to you is to find the positive in spouse, co-workers, and children. If you feel you can’t find something, then keep looking. Even if it is something small, make an effort to give praise.

*Info in this blog is strictly my personal and/or professional opinion. Posts and comments are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace any medical advice you may have received. Please contact your doctor or therapist if you feel you need help, and in case of an emergency, dial 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.*

The Secret You Didn't Know About Your Friends

Friendship Colours defines a friend as, the one who are always there with you, whether the times are bad or good. They never leave your side, even if the situation is worst. For them, it doesn't matter what day is it or what season. When we are sad, its our friends only who make us comfort, and laugh with us when we are sad. They give us good advice, and we can count on them to treat us nice. Friends solve our stupid problem and share good time so that joy can become double.

One of the most important yet least understood relationships are friendships. As one becomes an adult, the demanding activities of life often take away from the time once belonged to bonding to your closest buddies. However, friendships are crucial to the sustaining healthy living.

There are several benefits to friendships. Mayo Clinic describes some of the benefits as:

Friends help you celebrate good times and are your support system during the bad times

Friends increase your sense of belonging and purpose

Friends boost your happiness

Friends can help reduce stress

Friends improve your self worth

They help you cope with trauma

They encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy life styles

When it comes to friendships the quality of friends are much more important than the quantity. Some people prefer a large social network while others prefer a small group of close friends and acquaintances. There are four different types of friendships: Work friendships, community friends, acquaintances, and best friends. All serve a different role and are all equally important in your life.

The Gallup Organizations’s director, Tom Rath, undertook a massive study of friendship and found some surprising statistics: if your best friend eats healthily, you are five times more likely to have a healthy diet yourself. Married people say friendship is more than five times as important as physical intimacy within marriage. Those who say they have no real friends at work have only a one in 12 chance of feeling engaged in their job. Conversely, if you have a “best friend at work”, you are seven times more likely to feel engaged in your job.

Consider taking the time to sit down and take audit of the people in your life and their purpose. Reflect upon if you have healthy friendships and if you need to eliminate toxic ones. Determine if you need to expand yourself to create more relationships. True friendships require time and commitment, and sincerity.

British writer Mark Vernon writes that a close friend is a mirror of your own self, someone with whom you realize that, though autonomous, you are not alone. So although you may be busy with the daily operations of your life, career, and family, utilize time management to create and nurture the friends in your life. These bonds you cultivate can enhance and save your life.