Is Couples Therapy Helpful?

Is Couples Therapy Helpful? I get this question a lot. Many of my clients feel their relationship is beyond repair. They wonder if therapy can help repair the damage. This question can be answered in two parts.

Yes

Couples therapy can be helpful if:

1. The couple is open to therapy
2. The couple  mutually wants to save their marriage
3. The couple is willing to change if need be

No

Couples therapy is not helpful if:

1. The couple is not open to therapy
2. The couple does not mutually want to save their marriage
3. The couple is unwilling to change if need be

To put things into perspective here are some statistics about the impact couples therapy can have.

•  98% of people surveyed said they received good or excellent couples therapy
•  97% of those surveyed said they got the help they needed
• 93% of those surveyed said they got the tools they needed after working with a couples therapist

On the other hand...

•  25% of people surveyed reported their marriage was worse 2 years after couples therapy
• 38% of people surveyed reported their marriage ended in divorce 4 years after couples therapy

Now let's put this in perspective.

Couples therapy is helpful whether the marriage last or ends in divorce. And here's why...

• Couples therapy helps identify the root causes of friction in the marriage
• Couples therapy gives a safe place to talk truthfully
• Couples therapy gives the necessary tools to make the marriage work
• Couples therapy shines a light on any incompatibility in the relationship

The last bullet point is extremely vital when asking the question, is couples therapy helpful.

People assume if they go to therapy and the marriage ends in divorce, then couples therapy was not helpful. But look at it this way. Couples therapy gives you the insight and the courage to know when to let go. Then you can begin to find the happiness that you have been lacking. Even if the marriage ends in divorce, if there are children from the union, couples and family therapy can help the children with the transition. This can help the divorce from becoming a bitter battle of hurt.

So...

Is Couples Therapy Helpful?

I would have to say yes. Couples therapy can open up the lines of communication that were once closed. They can help a couple remember why they fell in love in the fist place. It can also help couples heal from any wounds or misdeeds that has happened before or during the marriage. It can also help the couples amicably part ways if they decide.

If you are in need of couples therapy, contact New Vision Counseling Center to set up an appointment.

Do I need A Counselor Or Psychiatrist

Many people ask me, "Do I Need A Counselor Or Psychiatrist?". This question is very common. When you realize that you need help, it is often confusing trying to decide which professional can best help you. So let me try to break it down for you so that you can make an informed decision.

What Is A Psychiatrist?

According to psychiatry.org, psychiatry is the branch of medicine focused on the diagnosis, treatment and prevention of mental, emotional and behavioral disorders. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor (an M.D. or D.O.) who specializes in mental health, including substance use disorders. Psychiatrists are qualified to assess both the mental and physical aspects of psychological problems.

Some common problems psychiatrists deal with are panic attacks, frightening hallucinations, thoughts of suicide, or hearing "voices." Or they may be more long-term, such as feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or anxiousness that never seem to lift or problems functioning, causing everyday life to feel distorted or out of control.

What Is A Counselor?

According to counseling.org, professional counseling is a professional relationship that empowers diverse individuals, families, and groups to accomplish mental health, wellness, education, and career goals. Counselors work with clients on strategies to overcome obstacles and personal challenges that they are facing.

Which profession is better for your needs?

• If you have an issue that could benefit from medication, then you should see a psychiatrist.
  Psychiatrists have the ability to write prescriptions. In the case of someone with bipolar disorder, for example, the drug Lithium can help to balance out the different extreme responses caused by bipolar disorder.
• If you are stressed about work or your home life, then you should see a counselor.
  A counselor can help identify your stress triggers. Once your triggers have been identified the counselor can help you come up with ways to combat your stress so it doesn't get out of hand.

Where The Two Professions Meet

If you are on medication prescribed by your psychiatrist for depression, you may also need counseling to determine the root cause of your depression. The medication helps to restore chemical balance while the counseling helps to restore emotional balance.

Whatever your reasons for therapy, it could involve the treatment from both practitioners. Sometimes just as it takes a village to raise a child, it also takes a team of professionals to help you live a productive life.

 

Considering counseling?

Contact New Vision Counseling Center to schedule an appointment.

If during our session it is determined that you could also benefit from a psychiatric care, we have colleagues to whom we can refer you. The most important thing to remember is that if you need help, seek it.

 

Signs of Teenage Suicidal Behavior

Signs of teenage suicidal behavior can be hard to spot. Often time it is confused with regular adolescent behavior.

The difference between the two is that teenagers' suicidal behavior is more extreme.

I want to you think for a moment...

Have you ever said to yourself, “I wish I could make all my troubles, hurts, and pains go away?”

If you have, chances are so has your teenager. It's this line of thinking that could sometimes lead to suicidal thoughts.

There is so much pressure for a teenager to be "normal" or "perfect".

1.      They have to be a model child for their parents.

2.      They have to be a perfect friend to their peers.

3.      They have to be a good student for their teachers.

All of these things and more are overwhelming and stressful.

In fact suicide is the third leading cause of death in 15 - 24 year olds according to healthychildren.org.

As a parent myself, it is scary for me to think that my child could go to such a dark place.
What scares me even more is not being able to bring them back from the brink of despair.

To fight such a battle, we as parents, must first know the signs of our teenagers suicidal behavior.

Common signs of teenage suicidal behavior:

Signs Of Teenage Suicidal Behavior

· Making suicidal statements

· Being preoccupied with death in conversation, writing, or drawing

· Giving away belongings

· Withdrawing from friends and family

· Having aggressive or hostile behavior

· Neglecting personal appearance

· Running away from home

· Risk-taking behavior, such as reckless driving or being sexually promiscuous

· A change in personality (such as from upbeat to quiet)

Some of these signs could be a cry for attention and may never progress to suicidal thoughts.

Any cry for attention should be met with swift intervention.

If you think your teenager's behaviors are signs of suicidal thoughts, please seek help for them.  If they are an immediate danger, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.  Once they are stable, contact us to schedule a confidential appointment with one of the many therapists at New Vision Counseling Center, LLC.

 

How To Deal With Troubled Teens

Think back to when you were a teenager.

Would your parents or society have placed you in the troubled teen category? 

What were some of your experiences? Do you remember the emotions you felt, the stress you felt to be popular, or smart, or pretty?

Surprisingly enough, sometimes these emotions follow us into adulthood. But one hopes that as we age and become wiser we know how to deal with these emotions in a mature and healthy fashion.

As a teenager the brain doesn’t quite yet understand the concept that “this too shall pass”. This could lead to some behaviors that would cause them to be labeled as troubled teens.

Click here to learn more about the inner workings of a teenager’s brain. 

If you are a parent with a troubled teen, don’t despair, there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel. Although parenting a troubled teen will take extra effort on your part, there are things you can do to make the situation easier.

 Tips To Parenting A Troubled Teen

 ·         Identify The Cause

         If your troubled teen has recently made a drastic personality change or a shift in their circle of friends, sit down with them and talk about it. There may be something going on of which you are unaware. As busy adults it is very easy to neglect the needs of our teens. Therefore, we must remember that raising healthy teenagers should be our number one focus and remain vigilant.

I remember I had a friend in high school who started drinking a lot. Unbeknownst to her mother, the father was sexually molesting her and this is what caused her drinking. Her mother was so consumed with her own life, she never took the time to identify the root cause of my friend’s behavior.

Don’t let something like this happen to you.

·         Establish Rules And Consequences

          If your troubled teen is doing things like skipping school, staying out past curfew, or shoplifting etc., then establish some ground rules and consequences to their actions. For example, if they are skipping school, don’t allow them any television or social media interaction.

 Social media is such a big part of teenagers’ lives now but you shouldn’t allow them to be consumed by it. If you do, removing them from social media as a consequence may cause some frightening responses. In fact, there was a news story of a young man, who was an “A” student and one would not consider troubled, killing his parents because they took away his Ipod.

I don’t share this story with you to scare you but I am using it as a cautionary tale in order to make you aware and warn you of the possible outcomes of letting your child become overly dependent on social media and technology.

 ·         Seek Professional Help

I specialize in counseling troubled teens and families. Sometimes my teenage clients will open up to me even when their parents have exhausted all attempts at communication. This is because they find it easier to speak to someone who is not directly involved in the situation. This allows me to find the causes of their negative behavior and relay them to the parents. Afterwards I assist the parents in coming up with a plan of action to help get their troubled teen back on track.

There are so many outside forces that can cause your once happy go lucky teen to become troubled. But whatever you do, do not give up on them and do not stop trying to get through to them. They may not know it but they desperately want you to be “all up in their business”. Your persistence shows them that you love them and love and acceptance is what they are really after.

Dealing With A Defiant Child? Here’s 3 Tips To Help You

“No mommy, I don’t want to”, said the toddler to his mother. I could see the frustration in the mother’s eyes in the checkout line of the grocery store. I could almost read her thoughts and hear her prayers of patience. Dealing with a defiant child is not an easy task especially when you are in public and do not want to draw attention to yourself by causing a scene.

Being a parent is not for the faint of heart. It takes a person with patience, love, endurance and understanding to come out of the trenches unscathed. It is even more difficult to parent when you are dealing with a defiant child.

 Children are defiant for all types of reasons but the most common and prominent reason is lack of control and this is especially true in toddlers and preschoolers. They lack any sense of control over their lives at this young age yet they still want to assert their independence. What we as parents see as defiance, toddlers and preschoolers see as independence.

 

Tips For Dealing With A Defiant Child

·         Remember You Are The Adult

           Your defiant child isn’t being that way on purpose. It is easy to lose your temper when you want your child to do something and their defiance rears its ugly head. As the adult you need to maintain a sense of calm. By remaining calm, your child will mimic your behavior. If you get on the crazy train with them your child will only become more defiant and irate.

·         Give Them Some Control

           As the parent you control every aspect of your toddler/preschoolers’ life, from what time they wake up in the morning, to what they eat, wear etc. In order to lessen some of the defiant behavior allow them to make some choices. For instance, pick out two outfits and allow them to decide which of the two outfits they want to wear. Giving them the ability to make decisions helps them to feel more in control of their life. This is also a great way to build and support their natural instinct to be independent.

·         Let Them Cry It Out

          Sometimes your defiant child is just having a bad day. As parents we tend to forget that just because toddlers/preschoolers don’t have the stresses of work and bills they still get stressed out. Maybe they feel like you don’t understand what they are trying to say or perhaps you are not giving them the attention they want. All of these things can cause them to have a melt down. When we as adults have melt downs it is no longer acceptable for us to scream and roll around on the floor, although many of us wish we could, me included. But it is acceptable for your child. So let them get it out, ensure they will not harm themselves and just wait until they calm down. Afterwards they will be your sweet angel once again.

 Dealing with a defiant child can be challenging to say the least. But it’s important to remember that your child’s behavior in a particular situation does not define your child. Be careful about negatively labeling your child with such phrases as bad child, hard-headed etc. As the parent you are responsible for guiding and molding your child. So keep a high tolerance for patience, humor, and a lot of love. Because in the end that is all your child really wants and needs.

 

He Proposed...3 Questions You Need to Ask Before Saying Yes

 

In the animal kingdom, the male counterparts are the ones that do all the courting during the mating season. They fight other males, they showcase their beautiful colors, they build elaborate houses, all to prove to the female that they are the superior suitor.

In the case of the Bower bird he doesn’t fight or display elaborate colors, instead he uses his cognitive and building skills to lure a mate. He builds a bower to attract his female counterpart. He takes great pride in his bower using sticks and twigs to build it high enough for her to see. He adorns it with insects, flower petals, and other objects he thinks will attract a mate.

In addition to being a master builder, the Bower bird is also a master illusionist. In order to appear bigger and thus more desirable to his mate, he arranges stones at the end of his bower from small to big. This way when his female counterparts view him from the other end of the bower, he appears bigger next to the smaller stones. This makes the female think he will be a good candidate to mate with because he is big and strong and will produce big and strong offspring to help the species survive.

When contemplating a potential candidate for marriage, he/she may present an illusion of the type of person you want to marry. Once the marriage has happened and the illusion wears off, you are left with chaos and confusion.

To help you avoid this scenario happening to you I have listed 3 crucial questions to ask  your mate before marriage.

1. Can I See Your Credit Report?

Before you marry someone it is important to know their financial obligations. Viewing their

credit report will give you insight into their money managing skills, so don’t be afraid to ask  for it. You need to know their debt to income ratio, how many collection accounts they have, how many credit cards they have, how many open expenses they have. Also you need to know if they pay alimony or child support. This is crucial to know because once you get married their debt becomes your debt. It’s also important to discuss what you will do if one spouse becomes unemployed. How long will you be able to live off of  one income before it becomes a problem. If your spouse gets hurt and can no longer work, will you be willing to accept being the sole provider indefinitely?

 

2. Can I See Your Medical History?

What is the health status of the person you are with? Have you two taken a complete STD exam before having sexual relations? Do they have heart problems, cancer, high blood pressure etc. You need to know the health of the person you are marrying to decide if you are going to have to be a caregiver. Is this a role you will undertake with pleasure and ease? How will you feel if your significant other gains weight? How much weight is okay? Do they drink? Do drugs? What if they won’t stop?

3.  Do you want children?

Does the person you are with have children? Do they want more children? If they don’t have children, do they want children? How will you raise your children? Do you believe in spanking or time outs? Do you want your children to go to school or be home schooled? What religion will you raise your children to believe? Will one of you stay home with the children?

There are so many other things to learn about your potential life partner but these three critical questions should help to get the conversation started. Remember your mate like the Bower bird will create an illusion of what you want but you need to delve deeper to find out if your mate is what you need.

For more help contact me to set up pre-marital counseling and I will help you and your mate make the best decision with regards to your relationship.

The SMART Way To Craft Your Goals

Failure to plan is planning to fail.

 In order to achieve your goals you must have a clear plan of action.

 

In my last blog post How To Set Goals And Achieve Them, I discussed setting your goals up properly in order to accomplish them. In that post I included a dream sheet for you to complete.

 
Did you find completing the dream sheet to be an eye opening exercise?

 

Now that you have completed your dream sheet, we are going to take those hopes and dreams and turn them into tangible goals by making them S.M.A.R.T. (Specific/Strategic, Measurable, Attainable/Achievable, Results Oriented and Time Bound).

 

In today’s post we will be dealing only with the specific and measurable aspects of your goals.

 

In order to do this correctly, download my S.M.A.R.T. goals worksheet here.

 

Let’s begin by breaking down what this all means.

 

·         Specific/Strategic Goal Setting

           This portion of goal setting stresses specificity rather than vague and obscure. Meaning your goals need to be clean and unambiguous. In order to make them specific, it needs to be obvious what is expected so there is a clear understanding of the target. The strategic refers to the reason it’s important and what’s involved.

 ·         Measurable Goal Setting

           This portion of goal setting stresses the need for concrete criteria to measure your progress towards the attainment of your goals. If your goals aren’t measurable, they seem unattainable. If you can track your progress it helps you to move further along to completion.

 

Does this make sense to you?

 

Let’s begin crafting your goals.

We will only be working with the “S” and the “M” today.

Subscribe to my blog and you won’t miss next week’s discussion on how to craft your goals to make them attainable/achievable and realistic.

Here are examples of goals crafted using specific/strategic and measurable language.

Specific

 Bad Example: Find a new job.

Good Example:  Obtain a new job as a 10th grade math teacher at XYZ high school in Anytown, USA so that I can show the children that math is a life skill which is fun and easy to learn.

Measurable

Bad Example: I am going to do whatever it takes to get a new job.

Good Example: In order to obtain my new teaching job as a 10th grade math teacher in XYZ high school in Anytown, USA I am going to complete an online job application, I am going to attend the district’s and the school’s job fair. I am going to begin networking with teachers at XYZ school and in my free time volunteer so that I can showcase my skills and desire to be apart of the teaching team at XYZ school.

 

Do you see the difference in those examples?

The bad examples are vague and don’t seem well thought out. In fact they seem more like passing thoughts than actual goals. Whereas the good examples are clear and detailed. You can read those goals and understand exactly which path you will take.

 

Are you starting to catch on? Do you see how this style of goal setting is better than your average style of goal setting?

Great!

 So your homework for this week is to grab your copy of the S.M.A.R.T. goal sheet and complete the Specific/Strategic and Measurable sections.

 

If you continue to follow this method of goal setting you will increase your chances of achieving all of your goals.

Subscribe to my blog so you won’t miss next week's post where we will begin working on the Attainable/Achievable and Results Oriented sections.

 Also, leave me a comment or ask me any questions in the comment section below. I would love to hear your feedback.

I hope you got a lot of value out of this post. Please share with your friends.

How To Set Goals And Achieve Them

 

“Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible to the visible.” Tony Robbins.

 

Do you set goals each New Year? How many of those goals do you accomplish?

Have you ever wondered why your momentum loses steam and you never reach your goals?

Would you like to learn a system of goal setting that will help you stay committed and on track to reaching your goals this year?

This month is going to be all about goal setting, how to do it properly and how to follow through. We can set goals all day long but if we don’t follow through they are just thoughts in our head.

I am no different from you, each year I set goals and in the past I haven’t always stayed committed to reaching my goals, that is until I found a method of goal setting that I will be sharing with you today.

One of the problems with goal setting is that most people confuse hopes and dreams with goals. A study done by the University of Scranton in the Journal of Clinical Psychology found that 50% of the U.S. population sets goals each new year but only an astounding 8% of that population achieves their goals.  

The method of goal setting that I will be sharing with you this month will help to increase the likelihood that you will meet all the goals you set for yourself this year.

Goal Setting Method - Step 1

The first step is to create a dream sheet. Complete this dream sheet and keep it with you because we will be using this all month long to create your goals for the New Year.

In the dream sheet you will find four sections…

     ·         Have

In this section list all the things you would like to have. Imagine that you have accomplished all of your goals and begin listing the things you will have as a result of accomplishing your goals. For example, you have a goal of finding a better paying job, so now that you have found a better paying job what do you have? Do you have a new car? What kind? A new house? Where? Are you kids in a better school? Which one? etc. List everything, use your imagination, this is why it is called a dream sheet. You are only limited by your imagination.

   ·         Being

What type of person will you be now that you have found a better paying job? Will you be a more active PTA member at your children’s school? Will you be a better investor? Will you be someone who shops more or go out more with your friends?      

                                                                                                           

·         Doing                                                                                                                               

What will you be doing now that you have found a better paying job? Will you be traveling more? Will you be working from home more? Will you be going back to school?

 ·         Top Priorities

Prioritize your list from 1-3 with 1 being of the utmost importance and 3 being the least important.

 Once you’ve determined your most important goals take all of your “1s” and list them from 1-5 with 1 being the goal that you are most determined to achieve and 5 being the least.       

One of the main reasons people don’t achieve their goals is because they are not crystal clear about their goals, they have a vague sense of what they want to accomplish but no definitive plan.

By completing this dream sheet you will be one step closer to achieving all the goals you will set for this year.

 In next week’s post we are going to discuss how to break down your highest ranking goals into actionable items so you don’t want to miss it. Go ahead, if you haven’t already done so and subscribe to my blog so you don’t miss anything this month. It’s going to be powerful and valuable.

If you haven’t already grab your dream sheet now, complete it, and store it somewhere safe. As I mentioned before you will be using it all month long to define your goals and ultimately achieve them. ​