Dealing With A Defiant Child? Here’s 3 Tips To Help You

“No mommy, I don’t want to”, said the toddler to his mother. I could see the frustration in the mother’s eyes in the checkout line of the grocery store. I could almost read her thoughts and hear her prayers of patience. Dealing with a defiant child is not an easy task especially when you are in public and do not want to draw attention to yourself by causing a scene.

Being a parent is not for the faint of heart. It takes a person with patience, love, endurance and understanding to come out of the trenches unscathed. It is even more difficult to parent when you are dealing with a defiant child.

 Children are defiant for all types of reasons but the most common and prominent reason is lack of control and this is especially true in toddlers and preschoolers. They lack any sense of control over their lives at this young age yet they still want to assert their independence. What we as parents see as defiance, toddlers and preschoolers see as independence.

 

Tips For Dealing With A Defiant Child

·         Remember You Are The Adult

           Your defiant child isn’t being that way on purpose. It is easy to lose your temper when you want your child to do something and their defiance rears its ugly head. As the adult you need to maintain a sense of calm. By remaining calm, your child will mimic your behavior. If you get on the crazy train with them your child will only become more defiant and irate.

·         Give Them Some Control

           As the parent you control every aspect of your toddler/preschoolers’ life, from what time they wake up in the morning, to what they eat, wear etc. In order to lessen some of the defiant behavior allow them to make some choices. For instance, pick out two outfits and allow them to decide which of the two outfits they want to wear. Giving them the ability to make decisions helps them to feel more in control of their life. This is also a great way to build and support their natural instinct to be independent.

·         Let Them Cry It Out

          Sometimes your defiant child is just having a bad day. As parents we tend to forget that just because toddlers/preschoolers don’t have the stresses of work and bills they still get stressed out. Maybe they feel like you don’t understand what they are trying to say or perhaps you are not giving them the attention they want. All of these things can cause them to have a melt down. When we as adults have melt downs it is no longer acceptable for us to scream and roll around on the floor, although many of us wish we could, me included. But it is acceptable for your child. So let them get it out, ensure they will not harm themselves and just wait until they calm down. Afterwards they will be your sweet angel once again.

 Dealing with a defiant child can be challenging to say the least. But it’s important to remember that your child’s behavior in a particular situation does not define your child. Be careful about negatively labeling your child with such phrases as bad child, hard-headed etc. As the parent you are responsible for guiding and molding your child. So keep a high tolerance for patience, humor, and a lot of love. Because in the end that is all your child really wants and needs.

 

What is your "It"?

 

 

When you first see the title, you’re probably confused. What does the title refer to? I actually changed it several times before settling on it.  It pertains to letting go! What are you holding on to? What is your hurt, habit or hang up that you are struggling to release? What is your “it”? What do you need to let go of?

At times, many of us struggle with holding on to things, be it people, places or situations that we need to simply let go of.  These things may be holding us back or preventing us from receiving what is next for us.  It may be a relationship, a dead end job, low self-esteem, negative self-talk, anger and hurt. Letting go simply involves making a choice to move from your situation, be it past or current and embrace your future.   Whatever your “IT” is, make a choice today to give it to a power much higher and greater than us and…LET IT GO!

 

*Info in this blog is strictly my personal and/or professional opinion. Posts and comments are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace any medical advice you may have received. Please contact your doctor or therapist if you feel you need help, and in case of an emergency, dial 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.*

Make it Happ'n Cap'n

Lately, I have been hearing people in my personal and professional life state they are "waiting on something to happen". They are sitting by and hoping to get a raise, find love, improve relationships and so on. I then ask for clarity to this statement and many respond with, "I'm just waiting on things to improve or get better", "my life will be better when....".

If this sounds like you, my response is, "make it happ'n cap'n" (happen captain). Take control of your life and the situations around you. Your boss just may be waiting on you to request a raise, your love may be at a place you really don't frequent or a relationship may improve once you take the step to see what is hindering it. After the 2009 election, I recall someone saying, "don't wait on people to motivate you, motivate yourself".

If you are having trouble with motivation, improving your circumstances or finding direction in your life, counseling may benefit you. Sometimes it is helpful to speak to a trained professional or someone outside of your current support system. Click here to schedule your confidential appointment.

*Info in this blog is strictly my personal and/or professional opinion. Posts and comments are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace any medical advice you may have received. Please contact your doctor or therapist if you feel you need help, and in case of an emergency, dial 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.*

What a Difference a New Vision Makes!

I received a phone call tonight from "Suzy" asking me if I felt she was wrong by not contacting a her sister "Jane" to resolve a problem. I gave my opinion, she gave hers, and that went back and forth for a while. Then, I heard something that struck a cord with me, "she knows what she is doing, she made me angry, talking to me like I'm a child". I listened as Suzy explained how her sister, Jane, "made me angry" and as Suzy negated many of my view points. Eventually Suzy was able to hear me out!



It's not what a person does to us that makes us angry, it's more of what we think about what the person did that makes us angry. For example, you go to a "classy" restaurant and the waiter, in your opinion, ignores you. You try to get his attention and he continues to walk pass you and brush you off. You really want to try this new place so you don't immediately leave. By now, you feel yourself getting antsy, somewhat hot under the collar. You think, "how dare he ignore me, he must think I can't afford this place, he must be prejudice". Now, you really get heated and ask for the manager. The waiter's action of "ignoring" you didn't anger you, it was your perception of why he may be ignoring you. Now, think about it like this, he just received a call that there was a tradegy in his family, or his wife is in labor but his boss wouldn't let him leave yet because "it's really busy that night", plus, if he leaves, his check will be short and he won't be able to buy his newborn pampers! How would you feel if you knew this information prior to your thought pattern? You'd probably feel sorry for him, be more patient, you may even leave a bigger tip!



The point is, our thinkinig can determine our feelings and how we react about a situation. Now, back to the phone call. What if the Jane really didn't know what she was doing angered Suzy, better yet, how can Jane know, if Suzy never even told her about how Jane's actions make her feel? So, Suzy is getting angry because of how she FEELS about Jane's actions. And Jane has no idea because Suzy never told her. After talking this out with Suzy, the tone changed to, "Now I can see where people are coming from, she's not wrong, she doesn't know".



Wow, what a difference a New Vision makes. But there's even a bigger reward when we make a choice to think differently, ultimately causing us to feel differently! I challenge you this week to re-evaluate some situations you may be experiencing and ask yourself, "am I really mad/sad/hurt by this persons behavior, or is it what I think about their behavior that has me mad/sad/hurt?" You may be surprised to find out how much control you really have!





*Info in this blog is strictly my personal and/or professional opinion. Posts and comments are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace any medical advice you may have received. Please contact your doctor or therapist if you feel you need help, and in case of an emergency, dial 911.*